


The bear, the bear and the musketeers fair

by Theonenamedafterahat



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Aramis and Porthos are not at all discreet, Athos wants a bear, D'Artagnan is morbid, M/M, everyone is drunk and homicidal, it fitted okay?, yes I got the title from Game of Thrones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1325248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theonenamedafterahat/pseuds/Theonenamedafterahat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>D'Artagnan wants to know how our favourite musketeers would like to die. Maybe he should have thought that through a little more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The bear, the bear and the musketeers fair

**Author's Note:**

> Because isloremipsumafterall made a tumblr post saying:
> 
> 'But I feel like him and Aramis will just go off having adventures and snarking at each other to their graves. Which will be right next to each other and say something stupid like “Porthos: he died trying to prove that he could fight a bear to Aramis” “Aramis: he died trying to shoot the bear” and meanwhile far away is Athos’ grave which states “Athos: he died exasperated with Porthos and Aramis but gdi, really? A fucking bear you two? No one questions why I drink.”' 
> 
> Which led to me thinking 'where did the bear come from though?

"How would you like to die?"

Athos allowed himself to take small enjoyment from the spectacle of Aramis choking on his drink, resulting in said drink ending up dripping down his front. Porthos showed a characteristic lack of disgression and laughed out loud as their friend cursed and dripped wine onto the ground. However the realisation that another was watching Aramis caused Porthos to sober a little, and contributed to the slightly threatening look he levelled at the unfortunate man that had the poor sense to laugh at a friend of Porthos Dullon in front of the man himself. 

"Isn’t that a tad morbid for such a fine afternoon, D’Artagnan?" 

The young Gascon shook his head stubbornly. 

"Proving to this one I can wrestle a bear." Porthos grinned, and gestured to Aramis with his cup. 

"Alright then, if I had to choose a method of death, which I must admit I’ve spent a rather long time learning how to avoid…shooting the bear that killed Porthos." Aramis clapped said musketeer on the shoulder and the two exchanged a deep and meaningful look. _Morons,_ thought Athos, _as though we hadn’t all figured out the meaning of those looks ages ago._

"How about you, Athos?" Said D’Artagnan. Athos held out his cup, and allowed D’Artagnan to rectify it’s emptiness. 

"After a successful double murder." He sighed happily. 

"Whose murder?" Asked Porthos, finally breaking away from whatever captivated him so much about Aramis’ eyes.

"Yours and Aramis’."

"But they were killed by the bear." Objected D’Artagnan. 

"I sent the bear." 

"Where would you have gotten a bear?” Aramis snorted. 

_I don’t know what he sees in you,_ Athos thought. _I don’t know what any of your paramours see in you. I don’t know why you won’t **die a virgin.**_

"I would have bought the bear." He stared down at his (again) empty cup. His cups did tend towards that unfortunate state of affairs. "I have money and…and - things. I have things. I could buy a bear." 

"I don’t think they let drunk people buy bears." Said Porthos, which caused Aramis to start giggling helplessly, leaving him so out of breath that he had to rest for several moments on Porthos’ broad shoulder. Neither of the two looked discontented with this. 

_I will buy a cat and have it vomit on all the things you love._ He thought, before passing out, with all the grace and poise giften to him by good breeding, and landing with his head in something uncontemplatable.


End file.
